Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
