dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
