smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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