i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
