I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
