I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
