so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
