hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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