Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
