4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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