He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Your dad touched me again.
i wish my penis had a tongue
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
