Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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