Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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