2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
