I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
