If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
