I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
