Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
