You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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