we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
