ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
