I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he was CRYING into my vagina
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
