Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
