Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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