Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
