I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Text me some of your sweat
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