this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
