I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
