I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
