i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
