Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
