I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
