Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
