I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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