Don't you send me to vm
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
