I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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