pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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