I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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