thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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