Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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