You're so nebulous sometimes
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
