id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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