Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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