so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
organizing the empties. That sober.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
