Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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