Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
