My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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