Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
