But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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