my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
