You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
