just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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