this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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