how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
