I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
