and you said cock pushups were impossible
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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