Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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