i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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