Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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