I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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