I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
