Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
