yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
