you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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