I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
