I skipped work to stalk him.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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