the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize