Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
