i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
