it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize