She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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