Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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