So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
