is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
