At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
