And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
