Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
