she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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