My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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