Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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