i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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