Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
