Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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