Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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