you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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