I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
