sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
