I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
