i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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