omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
