DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
