I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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