fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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