I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
