he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i need to put some appletini on your dick
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
